I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
