when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
