so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
