he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
