I'm jealous of your bromance
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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