he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
