I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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