So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
