fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
