What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
