you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
