I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
