The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
