Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
