no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
