Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
