How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
