i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
