we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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