I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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