Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize