do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
