yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
