I don't think brook has ever known best
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
