dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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