Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
