he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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