Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize