Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
