we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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