I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why can't burritos get me drunk
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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