after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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