u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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