he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
