Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
