I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
