Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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