On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
