maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
