I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
