So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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