she woke up with a sticky ear
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
