Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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