she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
