Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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