I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
