Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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