"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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