we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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