I'm so fucking centered right now
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
