why didn't you poke me back
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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