You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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