I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
