i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
