it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
