Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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