I cockslap morals
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
