party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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