my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
