do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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