I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
