Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
