So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
