doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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