i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
