So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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