Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
be right there i have to get my cape
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
