Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
